I have experienced different versions of feedback in my life:
The school teacher feedback – “She is good. Can do better.” (It perplexed my parents more than me.)
The stuck in the middle feedback – “You are not bad. But then you aren’t there either”. (So how do I get there? Some vague response…)
The nice (but frustrating feedback) – “I can see how hard you have worked. We really value your selfless service”! (Ummm… its not selfless…I can do with a promotion and a raise)
Soul crushing feedback – “Did you even think through this before bringing it to me?”
What’s worse than receiving soul crushing feedback? No feedback at all.
We want to know where we stand and how to level up our game. But let’s admit it, every time we hear “I have feedback for you” we are in a fight or flight mode.
And because receiving feedback feels so draining, giving feedback feels exhausting too.
We either pretend all’s ok or spew out feedback in order to vent. Neither of the approaches impact behavior or results in lasting change.
Giving Feedback
Executive Coach Yoshita Swarup Sharma suggests that when feedback is given with the intent to make the other person realize his/ her mistake, it never lands well.
Instead, shift your mindset to think of feedback as a “blessing for growth.” This shift in mindset will change the way feedback is delivered – this intent will reflect in your message, tone, body language and of course results.
Suddenly the feedback is not about making the person feel sorry for his / her actions. But now it’s about sharing information that will help them grow.
“If I am giving feedback as a blessing for growth, how then will I give feedback”
Yoshita Swarup Sharma – CEO and Executive Coach, A Brighter Life
Seeking and Receiving Feedback
There was a time when I was the pioneer team member or employee #2 in the organization.
My manager worked out of a different country and unless there were escalations from clients, life was good. I could not expect a structured and periodic review process in such a set up.
In such situations, its best to look around and find the stakeholders impacted the most by your work – peers, clients, cross functional team members, people you hired and so on. Select the ones you trust for seeking feedback and request an honest conversation around how you can show up better for them.
“If you are paying attention, then everything is a feedback”
Yoshita Swarup Sharma – CEO & Executive Coach, A Brighter Life
According to Vanessa Patrick, author of the “Power of saying No“, “Research shows people who are on the positions of power and those who are considered experts are less likely to get honest feedback from the people around them. Senior executives are shielded not only from organizational problems, but also from reliable information about themselves.”
Therefore, you being approachable and courageous enough to listen is key to your stakeholders sharing honestly and truthfully with you.
“If you are paying attention, then everything is feedback” – Yoshita Swarup Sharma
Now you have a list of blind spots uncovered… what do you do next?
Let me tell you what I did.
I was overwhelmed with the feedback and the number of things I wanted to change. My inner critic had a field day.
Yoshita advises recruiting our stakeholders in our success. Apply 80/20 principle in selecting which area to work on first. Habits and behaviors will take some time to change and often can’t be transformed in isolation. Therefore, work on them one at a time. Manage expectations with your stakeholders around what area you are working on and get them to partner with you in the journey.
If advancing as a professional and as a person is a priority for you, then you can’t do away with giving and receiving feedback.
Wishing you all the best. And yes…please share you feedback 🙂
Additional Resources for you to dive deeper
- “Feedback, a blessing for growth”podcast – Apple and Spotify
- Get to know Yoshita Swarup Sharma and A Brighter Life
- Downloadable Feedback Framework by Tom Henschel: https://essentialcomm.com/pdf-download/feedback-model/
Bridge to leadership 